::Standard Encryption::Council-of-Colonies-Sub-Committee-Shikastan-Situation::Start::
Greetings!
Great and glorious Zarl and exalted members of the Shikastan Situation sub-committee.
Greetings, in the name of Shammat! Magnificient, All Powerful, Omnipresent. May your glory increase.
Lords and Rulers of the coming Galactic Empire, it gives me immense pleasure to bring you the latest news from our pet project: Shikasta.
Archivists Note: This report is a executive highlight issued once every solar cycle (Shikastan). A full report is presented every 100 cycles and a detailed analysis and forecast conducted every 300 cycles. For those seeking the full report refer to Section ZA23.
It may also be noted that this archivist thinks that this entire system of filing unread reports which is a blatant copy of Canopean methods if I ever saw one, is a fucking waste of time. I make this assertion in the full confidence that this report will never ever be referenced and that Zarl and the Sub committee crew for monitoring Shikasta are a bunch of spineless pleasure seeking monkeys who need to be quartered and hung by their balls for ignoring the true treasure that is Shikasta.
Re: Note above. The Archivist who generated this note now lives on penal colony 83/ZZ/K…in extremely regrettable circumstances…. We have preserved this note as a warning to other idealists who may crop up from time to time and who would like to make a case about the proper exploitation of a planet.
Our plans for the Feast of the Ascent are coming along well. As requested by the council elders we will be holding the feast in the Indian sub-continent. Virulent Hate, Self-Righteousness, and Apathy are being fed in equal measure. Salishon-84b in so far as it is numbs the conscience’ response mechanism is largely effective. However, I would caution it’s addition to the Planetary Controls list without further testing. There is a small but statistically significant percentage of subjects who exhibit sudden reversals. Due to our superior capabilities in monitoring and tracking we have neutralized these subjects before they themselves realized what they were thinking. A few of the specially interesting cases we are studying in greater depth. As usual these subjects are housed in the mental health prisons. Tests include proding them into violence and destruction – both self and others, extreme depression, and wild exhilaration. A proper analysis of the tests is still awaited and will be forwarded to you as soon as it is ready.
Our control of the priestly classes across all ideologies and religions is almost complete. Our ‘religious superiority’ indoctrination among a rabid minority within the majority Hindus will reach fruition in 10-30 cycles. As you know the priestly class were the initial receivers of Canopean instructions. I can now say with complete confidence that no priest in any religion, ideology, or thought system can be appointed without my personal approval. I will continue to maintain this vigil till at least the period of the feast and longer if needed.
In preparation for the feast, you will be pleased to know that large areas of the population have been earmarked for systematic decimation. The reception chambers where you can bath and bask in the vapors of all that suffering are almost ready. I can barely contain my excitement at the thought of all that hot blood steaming and rising to enrich our pleasure. We hope to deliver for this Feast anywhere from 1 million to 10 million souls without destabilizing our governance controls. I will be able to offer you firm dates to chose from within the next 3 cycles.
Councilman Jerokar had expressed concern that such a large extermination exercise may fuel unrest and resistance among the larger population. I would like to assure the councilman that 10 million souls barely scratch 1% of the subcontinent’s population. They are an apathetic bunch who eagerly suck on Salishon-84b like a youngling at its mother’s teat. A minority will be in vociferous opposition but we will be able to contain their outburst and divert any real responses into ineffective ranting and trashing about or elimination if required. We have already tested this on a smaller scale with satisfactory results. Refer Gujarat Pogrom for more details about the test parameters, the controls used, and the results. I am sure you will agree that the response was extremely satisfactory.
At this juncture may I respectfully point out that it is unbecoming of Shammatian lordship to describe this territory in terms that those inferior creatures from Canopus use. I specifically refer to the use of Canopean word for this planet “Shikasta”. May I further suggest that your wise lordships consider and embrace a new name for the planet during the feast.
There may be some advisors to the council who will argue that the name Shikasta is an accurate description and should be retained if for nothing else but tautological reckoning. There may be others who will snicker at my use of the word inferior in relation with Canopus.
It is nevertheless your servant’s duty to point out these facts:
1) We planted the reengineered Efluon-3. It took the creative genius of Shamattian minds to recalibrate an inferior product to something far more superior and far more effective than a simple planetary mood enhancer.
2) The resulting alignment of Shikasta (nee Rohanda) with Shammat was predicted even though there was skepticism of such a thing ever happening. Thus, it is with humble homage to the wisdom of the council that I passionately submit for consideration, these two changes in our points of reference.
In consideration of the above and our actual superiority over these creatures I would like to recommend that my suggestion be seriously considered.
I remain your very sincerely:
Yehmoozuiyan – Lord of Shikasta
::Standard Encryption::Shammat-Council-of-Colonies-Sub-Committee-Shikastan-Situation::End::
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::Private Encryption::Zarl-Eyes-Only::Begin::
Zarl: Let’s cut to the chase. As you’ve ordered I am suggesting to the council this load of crock. I just want to remind you that our agreement is that you will get me a seat on the council. So, in case you decide to forget me bosom buddy of mine, I only have to hand in my encryption key set and whatever machinations you have planned for your advancement will be short lived if you don’t come through. Don’t think I won’t do it. I am willing to risk the penal colony with the elders if it comes to that. I am fed up (FED UP!) with my genius and efficiency being sidelined for less able jerk offs. And I need not remind you that my encryption keys revert to the state on my death. So it is in your best interest to ensure that I do not get eliminated due to a realignment of ‘cosmic forces’. Savvy?
PS:
I sincerely do hope you know what you are doing. Leaving ambition aside, the vibes from this place are all weird. No its not those Canopean fuckers. That Efluon-3 is mutating like crazy. Salishon-84b in spite of my rosy commentary to the council has an extremely short half life. The natives are developing resistance to it at a faster rate than anticipated and I have to keep strengthening the formulation.
My boys predict that at the present rate of dosage strengthening we will have imbeciles, not fit for even basic maintenance of Shammatian lordship, in about 100 cycles. Beyond that your guess is as good as mine. If immunity levels hit critical mass then our governance controls are good as dead. Indications are not good: those developing resistance are immune to the probes of even our most sophisticated controllers. I suggest you recommend the scraping of the entire Salishon formulation.
My lab rats are already working on alternates. A possible solution is in sight. Initial experiments show some promise but not a whole lot. Tentative name of formulation is: DarkVade. The most significant effect is the reduction in life span to 20-30 cycles. So far the longest a subject has survived is 36 cycles. Intelligence is compressed to extremely low levels and the propensity to reproduce dulled. If we are to use this formulation we will need to compensate for this by boosting the population to about 40 billion, thus ensuring a steady feed stock to maintain Shammat at the level of comfort we are accustomed to.
If we decide to go ahead with DarkVade I am willing to share credit for its discovery with you. This will strengthen your hand with the Council and you will indirectly support my candidature to the committee.
I expect to have a full report within the next half cycle and we can decide if DarkVade will be stable enough to last till it become someone else’s headache. The other alternate is LightBrash but I shudder to even mention what happens when subjects fail to respond as needed. More on all this later.
::Private Encryption::Zarl-Eyes-Only::End::
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...or so they say...
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