The thing with writing is that you really don’t want to. At least that’s what your actions say – louder than words. You strut around looking self-important, all those words churning inside you tearing to get out onto paper. You bitch and moan and whine about all the problems in life, the hundreds of distractions piled at your door, how you need that perfect blend of space, silence, and a serene picturesque view of a lake to get your creatives flowing. Character disordered whinges in shrink speak. It’s been what … seven days since I last posted here and nine since I actually posted something “real”.
Procrastination and prioritization. It’s a problem yes. One that I haven’t licked till now. The only real attitude that’s going to work it would seem is to latch on to the junkie motto: you are always in recovery. I don’t like the sound of it. Really hate the thought of constantly keeping watch at the door[*]. The muse monster of course looks on in contemptuous disdain and has only one word: “Get your act together shit face”.
So anyway, here is another round of bitching on my inability to write. Not so much inability as my unwillingness, reluctance, laziness, and whtchamaycallit. One thought is that this is due to having too much to say but that pans out. Everyone has lots to say. The more you look, the more there is to see. And the more you see the more you can speak. No, as far uncontrolled scatter brained writing goes, this is not a problem of having too much to say. It’s the lack of willingness to discipline yourself. To speak coherently.
Yeah right. Essay Writing 101.
The other issue being that you don’t want to control your writing. You want to just let it flow. Afraid of throttling the muse. Letting your heart guide the flow of your words. Afraid of being dishonest if you rearrange the words other than the way in which it came out. And of course then feeling like a jackass when your whole heap of an hour of furiously punching the keys turns up looking like horse manure.
Edit. Edit. Edit.
Man! That’s soooo slow! It’ll like take forever.
Yeah. Like that.
So. Can the disappointment at the slow pace. Turn up for work everyday. And churn the word wheel. The masters do promise that it will get better as you gain practice. The only service you can do yourself in all this is to remember Rule # 1: Enjoy it!
[*] This kind of hatred is a problem of acceptance between what is and what you wish it would be. To quote: “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
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